Moving (to Portland) Lesson Number 1:
Upon moving into a new house, do not under any circumstances open the Tupperware drawer. Whether this is done on purpose or by mistake, it will not end well. Looking into other people’s Tupperware drawer is fraught with the same perils as investigating someone else’s medicine cabinet or underwear drawer. Best case scenario you glance at each of these spaces, realize the harm that awaits and walk away quickly and quietly- none the wiser. Because invariably, if you even hesitate for a second, if you let your eyes lock on even one item, then they become shape shifters and you are transformed into a world where nothing is what it seems. In the case of Tupperware drawers not one single container has a matching top, no two containers actually stack inside one another, and the second you take one item out, you are forced into the most intense Tetris game of your life.
Hypothetically if you are lucky, a housemate comes home quickly and shows you the “trick” to their individualized version of the game. If you aren’t lucky however you end up with your whole arm as far back in the cabinet as possible scrounging around for the container, lid, rat carcass, or whatever else shifted during your investigation and is now causing the drawer to remain permanently half open. And when retrieval doesn’t work you must simply go about your day wondering when your housemate will be home to help and laugh at you and praying that you don’t walk straight into the open cabinet, fall over it, squish the small dog left in your stead and break a limb, hypothetically speaking of course.